Last Day of 'Childhood'

So tommorow I turn 'the big 1-8'
Cliche yes, but this really was the last day I could call myself a kid...apparently it's 'all-grown-up' from now on.
It wasn't the best day (if you read my last post you probably get why).
But I did get some time with some of my best friends...it was good to see them.
I got some early birthday presents and warm words of encouagement.
My parents anticipating the day with a sense of fear and excitement.
To me in some ways, it's just another day, nothing special is gonna happen tomorrow....is it?
What's the big deal anyway....

I'm sure 18 has its perks but it's also the end to all the things that as kids you're entitled to:

• free travel on london buses ---- I have to start paying now? I haven't paid for a bus in my hometown for four/five years! Guess this means I'm walking home - sun, rain, snow or hurricane...it's my good ol' feet for me now.
• no taxes ---- I actually have to pay tax now...ergh...very sad times
• teen cinema tickets --- well actually I think I still get this, so it's all good.

Not being a student anymore means I am kind of like an unemployed youth that you hear about...the kind the government are trying to get out of their houses and into work....a place or category I hoped/thought I would never be in.

But nonetheless turning eigheteen...this year looks set to be one of the most important in my life...not because I can 'do whatever i like' (which if you're asian you'd totally undestand that this privelege comes with moving out...which comes with marriage)  , it's not the fact I can get into a club or drink legally....none of that matters...this year...it's make-or-break.

Turning 18 will hopefully bring some (some I say) of that freedom with it?
The approval of the adult world?
Someone who is already 18...tell me, is it all I hope it's gonna be?
Does life have the clarity I seek? 
Does the world sit into place for you?

I need a new perspective.

My eyes grow tired of the view from here.

The long winding tunnel 

And the ever receeding light,

Moving farther rather than

Closer, like it is avoiding me

Deliberately.

Who can make light out of this dark?

Is it a journey? Or

Something that comes with age?

I know one thing;

If I know anything at all

About this world...

This world makes

No sense.

A stranger in my own 'home'

Call me dramatic or whatever, but today I realised one thing: Seven years of your life can count for nothing.
Seven years of my life, nearly 8200 hours, 492000 minutes, 29520000 seconds of my life spent under one roof...or should I say a conglomerate of roofs that form what was known as my school.

The place where which for seven years I spent at least 50% of my life (as sad as that seems, perhaps even more to be honest).

Now I'm the kind of person who loves school. Literally I loved school. It may have been tough and such a pain some days you just wanted to fake being sick, but the rest of the time, it was like a second 'home' - a place to live, learn, make friends, create your ideas about the world.

And I was sad to leave. Sad when in the summer, we had to say goodbye to the school and to the past in which I both reminisced and yet wanted to move forward from.

Well as fate would have it, I'm back.
I have to walk those halls again. Not as a student, but as an OG (Old Girl)....one problem....for me to actually walk those halls again I might need to actually get past the front lobby.

Spent an hour and a half...or maybe more sitting quietly and patiently for someone to get me or let me in, but no. No one came. No one bothered at all. I was branded 'the problem in the foyer'; Their words not mine, though I doubt 'they' thought I could hear them.

So yes, after spending a some much time at a place which I thought I knew, it turns out I know nothing at all, because the place I visited was no 'home' of mine. No memory of me exists there and now doubt they ever will.
In fact I am not even a stranger....strangers were treated with kindness and respect as they arrived...I was treated like a piece of tossed out garbage on the street, someone hoping that another would take care of it if they ignored it for long enough.

This from a place which prides itself on steadfast ties with alumni?

Well I guess that's a lesson learned...loyalty is dead.

Observational II

'The Person Who Never Made Any Mistakes, Never Made Anything'

I'm only just starting to realise the full implications of this...I guess we all make mistakes, big and small and I've made tonnes, and maybe I'm making one right now....but at least it's mine...no one else can be held responsible, because in the end, it's my life and I'm the one who's living it...so even if this year is going to be tough, maybe make me realise my own mistakes and weaknesses....at least I know it was my choice and as another wise poet once said...

'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.'

33 Days of Summer

It's been a long time right?

I don't know what happened here.... I have felt very unmotivated in writing for some reason....well not the kind of writing which is worth sharing anyway....

ummm... prom happened?

It was weird to think this was probably the last time i'll see some of these people (bar results day) ...

...but I guess that's a part of life and I'll keep in touch with the ones who mean the most to me or the ones that fate will have a strange way of bringing back....

So how's the summer going?

I've been spending too much of my time wastefully...lounging about in my new-found freedom, sadly spending way too long on Twitter, hitting the refresh button  (barely any on facebook =O) , but more significantly trailing through amusing youtube clips...yes, the written word has escaped me in favour of the visual delights of the videos you can find on this one site... even inspired me to have a go at making my own...which is turning out to be quite interesting as well as time-consuming....atleast its more productive than watching Gilmore Girls on repeat? Who am I kidding, I LOVE watching Gilmore Girl repeats...  

On another note... The work has started at my house and will probably continue throughout the summer right until 2011 decides to grace us with it's prescence.

According to my mother, who insists on me filming the work every day, today is Day 33....it feels like Day 133....the builders are going at a painful pace, which to be fair, could be to do with the fact that there are only TWO of them.

And to top it all off I am no longer taking that long anticipated trip to the States...I should have been flying out yesterday....but things happen and we will not be going anymore...so not only will I miss the wedding we've been planning most of the year for, I am missing a chance to go to New York and am now stuck at home....
[ok that kind of sounded a little whiny....I apologise....i'm just a little sad/angry ]

It hasn't been a total bore though....

I went to the cinema a couple of times just for one film [its a long story not worth boring you with]

and  note: I now fully understand/appreciate that air-conditionining is vital in a cinema.

I went to a barbecue earlier this week...and even though it rained, the intention was still nice and we had a lot of fun with particular reference to a Skype call from a friend on holiday in Mauritius....mystery friend, you know who you are...

so yes, that's all I have to report....perhaps now I have gotten over writing this post, we can go back to writing a little more regularly?

The Final Countdown

So today was my last school exam!
(not to rub it in anyone's face)

But I am officially free (well partially) to do what I want! well there's the art exhibition and music exams and yearbook handouts etc but nearly there!
To be precise, next Tuesday will be the beginning of what is sure to be the most procrastinational (is that even a word?) summer yet...
For once, I have no art work I HAVE to do, though I intend on doing lots just for fun (who would have thought!). And no preparational work or aims towards anything....

So yes, good times or what?
Hopefully I'll get a chance to hang out with all my friends properly for one of the last times for a while (*tear*) but lets not think about that too much....other summer plans?.....

I hopefully be going Stateside for three weeks and I intend to see everything possible in New York and Chicago and as fellow artists will know, what trip abroad would be complete without art gallery visits?! So yes, I had to make a list of places, just so my parents could decide what they should do while I stare at a painting for three hours or so....

But yeah, summer, it's just a couple of days away!
Can't wait for it to begin, but I guess it really is an end of an era...

PS. those of you who will be in Monday, don't forget to collect your yearbooks from me and get them signed before you leave.

Looking for Motivation...

So exams have been tough and my room has looked like this for the past two weeks

and motivation levels have reached an all-time low....

that's when i stumbled upon this poster made for me as a present by some very special people in the place we know as the art rooms....

all I can say is...

'GOOD TIMES GUYS'.

Hello there...

So wow, long long times.....

Between all my interent connection problems, an extended stay in Italy and general coursework/exam revision this space here got neglected....not that it makes much difference to anyone but me...but atleast i'm back!

If we thought March was crazy, April and May were worse...i really don't have the time or the space probably to fit this all in so lets jsut say it was wild times.

Heres a short run through of the highlights.....(if you care)....

• Went to Itlay, got stuck there thanks to a volcano (in Iceland)
• Sprained my ankle....purely by falling down while walking....[well done Manisha, you just broke your clumsiness record]
• Had my real art exam and actually finished my painting! [shock for anyone who knows me]
• Had my final day of school ever.....it was really depressing and thanks to Cat Potter I cried....[she knows why]
• The ordeal to finish yearbook....involving 4am bedtimes during study leave and exams....I actually have every person's yearbook profile ingrained in my memory, right in the place where I'm meant to be storing maths and physics?

ahh yes exams....oh dear....anyone who takes maths...I feel your pain....those exams have got to be some of the worst of my life....just...no words to describe what I felt after C3, atleast C4 was slightly better?

Anyway the first week of exams is over thankfully and i'm taking a 'break'....so I thought I might aswell revamp this blog....what do we think?....Brownie Points for guessing the significance of the background....

So maybe in about two weeks, I can finally catch up properly, some photos I took will be uploaded (but as of yet are still in my camera) and you may be seeing./hearing/reading a lot more....

[Ps. good luck for exams!!]