Last Day of 'Childhood'

So tommorow I turn 'the big 1-8'
Cliche yes, but this really was the last day I could call myself a kid...apparently it's 'all-grown-up' from now on.
It wasn't the best day (if you read my last post you probably get why).
But I did get some time with some of my best friends...it was good to see them.
I got some early birthday presents and warm words of encouagement.
My parents anticipating the day with a sense of fear and excitement.
To me in some ways, it's just another day, nothing special is gonna happen tomorrow....is it?
What's the big deal anyway....

I'm sure 18 has its perks but it's also the end to all the things that as kids you're entitled to:

• free travel on london buses ---- I have to start paying now? I haven't paid for a bus in my hometown for four/five years! Guess this means I'm walking home - sun, rain, snow or hurricane...it's my good ol' feet for me now.
• no taxes ---- I actually have to pay tax now...ergh...very sad times
• teen cinema tickets --- well actually I think I still get this, so it's all good.

Not being a student anymore means I am kind of like an unemployed youth that you hear about...the kind the government are trying to get out of their houses and into work....a place or category I hoped/thought I would never be in.

But nonetheless turning eigheteen...this year looks set to be one of the most important in my life...not because I can 'do whatever i like' (which if you're asian you'd totally undestand that this privelege comes with moving out...which comes with marriage)  , it's not the fact I can get into a club or drink legally....none of that matters...this year...it's make-or-break.

Turning 18 will hopefully bring some (some I say) of that freedom with it?
The approval of the adult world?
Someone who is already 18...tell me, is it all I hope it's gonna be?
Does life have the clarity I seek? 
Does the world sit into place for you?

I need a new perspective.

My eyes grow tired of the view from here.

The long winding tunnel 

And the ever receeding light,

Moving farther rather than

Closer, like it is avoiding me

Deliberately.

Who can make light out of this dark?

Is it a journey? Or

Something that comes with age?

I know one thing;

If I know anything at all

About this world...

This world makes

No sense.

A stranger in my own 'home'

Call me dramatic or whatever, but today I realised one thing: Seven years of your life can count for nothing.
Seven years of my life, nearly 8200 hours, 492000 minutes, 29520000 seconds of my life spent under one roof...or should I say a conglomerate of roofs that form what was known as my school.

The place where which for seven years I spent at least 50% of my life (as sad as that seems, perhaps even more to be honest).

Now I'm the kind of person who loves school. Literally I loved school. It may have been tough and such a pain some days you just wanted to fake being sick, but the rest of the time, it was like a second 'home' - a place to live, learn, make friends, create your ideas about the world.

And I was sad to leave. Sad when in the summer, we had to say goodbye to the school and to the past in which I both reminisced and yet wanted to move forward from.

Well as fate would have it, I'm back.
I have to walk those halls again. Not as a student, but as an OG (Old Girl)....one problem....for me to actually walk those halls again I might need to actually get past the front lobby.

Spent an hour and a half...or maybe more sitting quietly and patiently for someone to get me or let me in, but no. No one came. No one bothered at all. I was branded 'the problem in the foyer'; Their words not mine, though I doubt 'they' thought I could hear them.

So yes, after spending a some much time at a place which I thought I knew, it turns out I know nothing at all, because the place I visited was no 'home' of mine. No memory of me exists there and now doubt they ever will.
In fact I am not even a stranger....strangers were treated with kindness and respect as they arrived...I was treated like a piece of tossed out garbage on the street, someone hoping that another would take care of it if they ignored it for long enough.

This from a place which prides itself on steadfast ties with alumni?

Well I guess that's a lesson learned...loyalty is dead.

Observational II

'The Person Who Never Made Any Mistakes, Never Made Anything'

I'm only just starting to realise the full implications of this...I guess we all make mistakes, big and small and I've made tonnes, and maybe I'm making one right now....but at least it's mine...no one else can be held responsible, because in the end, it's my life and I'm the one who's living it...so even if this year is going to be tough, maybe make me realise my own mistakes and weaknesses....at least I know it was my choice and as another wise poet once said...

'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.'

33 Days of Summer

It's been a long time right?

I don't know what happened here.... I have felt very unmotivated in writing for some reason....well not the kind of writing which is worth sharing anyway....

ummm... prom happened?

It was weird to think this was probably the last time i'll see some of these people (bar results day) ...

...but I guess that's a part of life and I'll keep in touch with the ones who mean the most to me or the ones that fate will have a strange way of bringing back....

So how's the summer going?

I've been spending too much of my time wastefully...lounging about in my new-found freedom, sadly spending way too long on Twitter, hitting the refresh button  (barely any on facebook =O) , but more significantly trailing through amusing youtube clips...yes, the written word has escaped me in favour of the visual delights of the videos you can find on this one site... even inspired me to have a go at making my own...which is turning out to be quite interesting as well as time-consuming....atleast its more productive than watching Gilmore Girls on repeat? Who am I kidding, I LOVE watching Gilmore Girl repeats...  

On another note... The work has started at my house and will probably continue throughout the summer right until 2011 decides to grace us with it's prescence.

According to my mother, who insists on me filming the work every day, today is Day 33....it feels like Day 133....the builders are going at a painful pace, which to be fair, could be to do with the fact that there are only TWO of them.

And to top it all off I am no longer taking that long anticipated trip to the States...I should have been flying out yesterday....but things happen and we will not be going anymore...so not only will I miss the wedding we've been planning most of the year for, I am missing a chance to go to New York and am now stuck at home....
[ok that kind of sounded a little whiny....I apologise....i'm just a little sad/angry ]

It hasn't been a total bore though....

I went to the cinema a couple of times just for one film [its a long story not worth boring you with]

and  note: I now fully understand/appreciate that air-conditionining is vital in a cinema.

I went to a barbecue earlier this week...and even though it rained, the intention was still nice and we had a lot of fun with particular reference to a Skype call from a friend on holiday in Mauritius....mystery friend, you know who you are...

so yes, that's all I have to report....perhaps now I have gotten over writing this post, we can go back to writing a little more regularly?

The Final Countdown

So today was my last school exam!
(not to rub it in anyone's face)

But I am officially free (well partially) to do what I want! well there's the art exhibition and music exams and yearbook handouts etc but nearly there!
To be precise, next Tuesday will be the beginning of what is sure to be the most procrastinational (is that even a word?) summer yet...
For once, I have no art work I HAVE to do, though I intend on doing lots just for fun (who would have thought!). And no preparational work or aims towards anything....

So yes, good times or what?
Hopefully I'll get a chance to hang out with all my friends properly for one of the last times for a while (*tear*) but lets not think about that too much....other summer plans?.....

I hopefully be going Stateside for three weeks and I intend to see everything possible in New York and Chicago and as fellow artists will know, what trip abroad would be complete without art gallery visits?! So yes, I had to make a list of places, just so my parents could decide what they should do while I stare at a painting for three hours or so....

But yeah, summer, it's just a couple of days away!
Can't wait for it to begin, but I guess it really is an end of an era...

PS. those of you who will be in Monday, don't forget to collect your yearbooks from me and get them signed before you leave.

Looking for Motivation...

So exams have been tough and my room has looked like this for the past two weeks

and motivation levels have reached an all-time low....

that's when i stumbled upon this poster made for me as a present by some very special people in the place we know as the art rooms....

all I can say is...

'GOOD TIMES GUYS'.

Hello there...

So wow, long long times.....

Between all my interent connection problems, an extended stay in Italy and general coursework/exam revision this space here got neglected....not that it makes much difference to anyone but me...but atleast i'm back!

If we thought March was crazy, April and May were worse...i really don't have the time or the space probably to fit this all in so lets jsut say it was wild times.

Heres a short run through of the highlights.....(if you care)....

• Went to Itlay, got stuck there thanks to a volcano (in Iceland)
• Sprained my ankle....purely by falling down while walking....[well done Manisha, you just broke your clumsiness record]
• Had my real art exam and actually finished my painting! [shock for anyone who knows me]
• Had my final day of school ever.....it was really depressing and thanks to Cat Potter I cried....[she knows why]
• The ordeal to finish yearbook....involving 4am bedtimes during study leave and exams....I actually have every person's yearbook profile ingrained in my memory, right in the place where I'm meant to be storing maths and physics?

ahh yes exams....oh dear....anyone who takes maths...I feel your pain....those exams have got to be some of the worst of my life....just...no words to describe what I felt after C3, atleast C4 was slightly better?

Anyway the first week of exams is over thankfully and i'm taking a 'break'....so I thought I might aswell revamp this blog....what do we think?....Brownie Points for guessing the significance of the background....

So maybe in about two weeks, I can finally catch up properly, some photos I took will be uploaded (but as of yet are still in my camera) and you may be seeing./hearing/reading a lot more....

[Ps. good luck for exams!!]

March Madness

Wow, long time no see?




Sad times.



But anyway, it’s time to resume this blogging after numerous distractions and tragedies have separated me from my computer and worse...the internet.



Yes well it's been busy times and I have finally managed to find some time for this.

WARNING: this is going to be the longest post of your life, about four posts in one.

It all begins with deciding to head yearbook this year. DON'T DO IT. [Just some words of advice for those who still have this joy]. Yes well I finally realised why teachers make such a big deal over deadlines. Talk about unnecessary stress. I guess I did volunteer and in the end it's hopefully going to be a great book.

Also as everyone who is in the same position knows, UCAS is finally coming to an end in terms of offers and all that's left to do is press that shiny red 'reply' button and decide where you'll be next year. Currently still deciding between Nottingham and Sheffield...thoughts?

Also it's that time where teachers are manically trying to fit in the last bits of the syllabus to give us 'revision time' before we leave in a few short weeks. Four weeks to be precise. Four weeks of actually physically having to be on site. It’s kind of sad, kinda not, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there, there's so much left to do!

In the past two weeks or so I have been in music mode. I had my piano exam which I found out on Saturday I passed. I was so relieved considering my teacher has been unable to teach me for months and my violin teacher had bravely endured my efforts, only to honestly say he was glad he wasn't the one presenting me for exam.

Also Monday I had my flute exam, which was such an EPIC FAIL. If I could only ever use that term once in life, this would be the moment. I came out, only to listen to my accompanist sigh and advise me to retake next term. You know it’s bad when they say it to your face.

Also last ever concert....at school that is. It was one of the best ones we’ve done and it still hasn’t sunk in, but after seven years of rehearsals and run-throughs and manic stand-arranging we finally say farewell to such events.... [Well I will definitely be coming back next year to see Jewitt cope without all us Year 13s].

The day after saw me down in London [just about awake enough to remember my violin] playing with a proper orchestra....no offence to CCHS ...

It was part of a scheme which meant some of us string players from SMC got to perform with the London Symphony Orchestra [bows down: I <3 them]. It was actually really fun, we had this amazing conductor who was so nice and funny...well not funny, but he amused us....

And I made some new friends [WIN] and picked up some new vocabulary i.e. CHENGFAIL.

While most of CCHS slept in on the Friday, the beginning of was meant to be a four day do-nothing fest weekend , A level art and drama students had no rest and sure enough at 8.45 we could be found in school: I had a lovely 15 hour art mock.

Having missed a day to go to London for the concert, I was banished from the A2 room and had to sit at the back of room 19 with two year 12s...who were really nice, but still. I did however cram my painting into the A2 room only to be criticized for my slowness.

People are taking bets on how long it will take me to finish the painting. But hey, the Mona Lisa wasn't completed in 15 hours...but I’m no Da Vinci so we'll just see. I currently have one and a half hours of painting left before I lose the bet and have to buy numerous pizzas to feed my art class tomorrow. A defeat I do not look forward to.

[ok so, it' sideways, but points for guessin what it is]

On other notes,...

It was one of my best friend's eighteenth last Monday [happy birthday!] so on the following Friday a group of us went out to Frankie and Benny’s, NOT Benny’s and Jerry’s as a fellow blogger most eloquently put [ahem IRENE].

Her mum made us this beautiful cake and it should be a crime to eat it...and we got gift bags! I haven't gotten one of those since i was like seven! ahh the memories....WIN definitely.

And....is it me or does no one ever come in anymore? I swear half of the year is missing....some mass conspiracy theory involving Chelmsford Library I believe.....

 

<---- 'where is everyone?'

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QUESTION FOR ART/LATIN PEOPLE...

...Rome? Who’s going? Anyone want to tell me what on earth is going on? I don't even know what time the flight out is. FAIL.

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And if you’re wondering where my a-levels went, I think this sums it up:

-[Clearly someone is on top of everything life wants to throw at her]-

Observational I

Life has a funny way of reminding you how connected you all are....

How all those people you see, see you too.

How even though you may not know them, they know you. They know who you are, what you do, what you like [or who]

Anyway, to quote ... 'Just think; You could be a big part of someone else's life and not even know about it'.

Maybe I'm a paranoid fool....maybe that rerun of One Tree Hill is getting to me...(you know the one where Peyton meets her half-brother who is actually her stalker)....ANYway [I'm goin back to my corner now]...*end of rant (for now)*

Snow

AGAIN? really?

and more forecast?

Enough is enough.

Snow Snow Go Away,

Come Again Another Day.

Little children have had enough play.

And now all we can do is stay

Stuck inside whilst you arrive, I say

Snow Snow Go Away.

2010 is truly the year we became bored of snow =/

[i dont really hate snow that much...i'm just clumsy enough without all that ice to slip on.]

Valentine

'there's a fish in that ocean for you'

Happy Valentine's Day

'Physics is so much YUM YUM FUN!'

What an interesting day today was....


just when I thought nothing would liven up this day, or make it remotely interesting, my Physics lesson made my day.




It was in this lesson that I was introduced to the most hilariously insane songs of all time....they're so incredibly weird, they made the elements song look like a chart topper.


I dont think I can say any more...just watch them for yourself and you'll understand....

is it wrong to know the words to the chorus?

 

....who says physics is boring???!

'What I did today...'

So lucky me was not at school today,.... so how did I spend all that extra free time???

1) Waiting at the hospital, I got really bored...so being an idiot and leaving my headphones at home, I had no music =( and I never realised this, but you cannot get a signal in a hospital??? [what is with that?] but an iphone is an iphone for a reason....forget internet...it has apps! so lo and behold, my productive session on idoodle....

can you tell what it is? which one do you like more?

also did that...but lets face it...thats just a bunch of circles.

2) I actually got some piano practise done [really?!]. yeah, for me that's such an achievement.

3) And lastly but not least...I finally uploaded my first video of 2010 onto youtube. I meant to do that ages ago, but clearly it has taken me a month to get my act together.

so all in all a productive day? i think so....clearly MUCH better than school  [thats so 24 hours ago].

Forget the World

Sometimes, just to get away is the best plan. With everything that's happening, I wish I was sitting here again, just forgetting the world.

Pinch, Punch, 1st of the month

Let February begin...

Can't believe we're already a whole month into the year, it's going by real quick....and just think.... only three months of compulsary school left! scary thought...

Library?

So today was my physics exam...it was thankfully my only exam...however doesn't mean I was as prepared as I should have been.
My endeavours to revise have been admittedly.....half-hearted.
The week began with the thought of serious studying/revising in Chelmsford Library.

yeah, that's when the joke begin. As anyone who lives in Chelmsford (or goes to school there) knows...the library is the general place to be during exam times.... (atleast for those of us ahem...'cool' enough).

So my week was like this:

Monday:         PLAN: Spend all afternoon revising

                      REALITY: chatting with friends over a Costa (I didn't even have to pay...thank you Gopika)

Tuesday:         PLAN: spend period two and three and lunch in library...everyone else is in school right?

                      REALITY: oh looky here, one of my friends who is taking the day to revise....general chatting after weak attempts of silence.

Wednesday:    PLAN: A WHOLE DAY revising in Library....hide in a corner   
             REALITY: found a couple of fellow physicists.....downwards spiral into getting high on Jelly Tots...'they get you high, but then comes the downer' as she eloquently put.

Thursday         PLAN: morning revision. EXAM TODAY.

                       REALITY: wow, actual revision occuring....must be the panic setting in.

I think it was ok.....wasn't as bad as this legendary biology exam....glad to report that no seals were in my paper...but i didn't finish in time...so sad times, but hey, we can always retake? General dossing may now resume. Half Term cannot come sooner....

Also when I came home, my grandparents were around. I love my grandparents, they're the best....but they did something kind of weird....Just before they left, my grandmother pulled me aside and gave me this issue of her indian magazine/newsletter she gets sent from india called ....the topic was marriage and weddings/advice for brides-to-be ....since I'm only 17, should I be worried?

On a brighter tone...I just checked my email to find I have another offer! good times, even if it is for my last choice....take that Cambridge...someone does want me.

Blue Paint FAIL

I finally moved onto a new art piece today.

I went up to the art rooms second lesson to wash my canvas....this really nice blue [such technical art terms] . I wore a painting shirt in the effort to keep my nice, clean white top [maybe not the best outfit choice in retrospect] from harm. After a couple of minutes, I got frustated with the overall and took it off, thinking that I wouldn't need it jsut to finish of the edges.

I was late to my next lesson so I rushed off to Maths and sat down to find a blue stain in the middle of my top. FAIL. I ran to the nearest toilet to use a sink to try and wet it slightly in the hope of removing the stain. no luck of course....as people know, acrylic is one of the worst things to get onto clothes....complicated to remove and may be permanent. As it dried throughout my lesson, I was able to pick bits off....its pretty much clear now, a good wash should do the trick.

I went back at the beginning of lunch just to check the paint was dry...it was, so I moved it onto my easel. I was then told the art rooms would be shut so I started packing up. I was about to put my coat on when I noticed a huge blue paint mark on my cardigan. no, not a mark...more like I had intentially taken a roller or large paintbrush and swept it along the right side of my cardigan. FAIL STRIKE 2. could this get more frustating. As this was/is my favourite cardigan, I was devestated, rushing to the sink and scrubbing on it. I then spent the whole lunch wetting my cardigan and scratching off all the paint on it, while my friends [who looked at me as if I was some crazy child] suggested the possibility of dyeing my cardigan if worst came to worst.

In the afternoon I went back up to the art rooms to actually start the painting, approaching the canvas very cautiously. I looked at the pristine blue coverage over the canvas and sighed. I will never be able to look/touch blue acrylic again [that is, after this piece is finished].

A family that Fails together, Stays together

Yes, well this all comes down to a very stupid moment....

Finding myself wanting a glass of orange juice, I reach into the fridge to find I have to open a new carton. No biggy right? Wrong. I spent a couple of minutes trying to twist the cap of the carton with all of my strength whilst both my mother and brother watched in pure amusement. I couldn't open it. FAIL...yes...

My brother, trying to act tough, snatches the carton away from me and looks at me with pure condescension and smugly makes his attempt. No result. He tryed again and again resulting in a face of pure agony as he struggled with this carton. FAIL. now who's laughing?

My mother who now looked on in pity, took the carton 'you both are weaklings' she said as she took the carton. She made her attempt and guess what? Nothing....does the word 'fail' even need to be repeated? 
Ohh this Tropicana carton waas sent to mock us.
My brother now frustated and angry got a knife out and started hacking at this cap. Frightened yet intrigued by his attempts I looked to see if anything would happen. Nothing. apparently the plastic was not going to surrender to the knife. Turns out the cap which is meant to be precut for an easy open had not been cut.

In the end, we used the knife to slice open the top edge of the carton.

[if you're wondering...my dad was sleeping on the sofa the whole time and only woke up right at the end to mock us.]

Einstein got PWNED!

So life...hmmm....well...it's pretty uneventful really...nothing interesting happens anymore....until today that is... [well that depends on your defintion of interesting] ...

I spent some time in the recording studio at school, recording a piece a group I'm in is performing soon, ... it's really weird to here yourself back....I mean, I know you sound different to what you think, but in a studio, you can really here HOW different....not that I sucked [well hopefully not] ...but all in all it was useful and we had a good time doing it.
We were greatly amused when we were asked to introduce our piece before we sang and all began to laugh at the memory of a friend saying 'pie jesu' exactly as it is spelt [pie je-su] as of course we all know that's not how you say it [right?]...Anyway....


...And in relevance to the title of this post,.... one of the highlights of my day was this joke.... [yes this is what my life standards have succumb to] ....rather than revising for my physics exam in my physics lesson....we were all distracted by a select few who shared their 'science jokes'... [yes... it's as sad as it sound] .
This particular 'joke' will probably only be understood by the physicists among you, though anyone's free to read this... [continue at your own risk] :


All the scientists throughout the ages gathered in one place. They decided to play hide and seek. Einstein was counting....he shut his eyes and started counting to 100.
All the scientists hid except for Newton who drew a large square on the ground infront of Einstein and stood inside this square.
When Einstein reached 100, he opened his eyes and saw Newton infront of him.
'Newton I see you, therefore you are out' Einstein said
'But I am not Newton' Newton said. Einstein was confused.
'Then who are you?' Einstein proceeded to ask
'Well, I am Newton' Newton began 'but see, I am standing in a metre squared' he said smugly, pointing to the square around him 'I am a Newton per metre squared, therefore I am Pascal...so Pascal is out'.


get it? yeah....we laughed for a bit on that one....kinda pathetic I realise...but hey...it cheered the class up...we almost forgot about those exams.

[ps. if not, Pascal is a unit of pressure named after a scientist called...(can you guess?)....Pascal [the shock] which is measured in force (also known as a Newton) per metre squared]

[ps.2. ....
....and poor Einstein....he was totally outsmarted by Newton...(well the guy did discover gravity)..but what about Pascal? he was probably hiding in a really clever place thinking to himself he'll never be caught and be the last one in the game...sad times]

CBA

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY

Like it couldn't have come sooner....even though I only went to school for three days this week, it seemed agonisngly long....maybe thats just what revising and allnighters do to you.

And as for motivation, still very low, .... if SAD is a condition so is CBA. I'm sure you've all had that feeling where you can't be asked to do anything and would much prefer just to laze about or sleep.

So Let us say hello to the weekend and the hours of sleep I can catch up on.

[picture: I saw this picture and it made me feel happy.]

In or Out?

So, I had an interview today....great stuff those...nothing like an interrogation about your life. I also had to bring a portfolio and any fellow artists (or creative people) know how long it takes to put one of these together....you spend hours deciding which pieces to put in. My interviewer just flicked through my stuff casually, barely glancing at each thing for more than two seconds...it was least to say, very frustating. 
The guide also said we'd find out straight away if we got it or not....my interviewer...he... was very vague....he didn't say no...but he didn't say yes...so what does that mean? In or out? now I have to wait for a UCAS email....obsessive email checking for the next two weeks or so? ....good times.

Shouldn't you be Revising?

Yes...yes I should be. But hey, why revise when you can blog?

To be honest, I have no motivation whatsoever to revise at this particular moment in time so I've decided to  restart this blog from scratch since it'a a new year....

2010 has come...one week in and its already been one unpredictable ride.

There's all this snow that has thankfully meant I have only been in for two days of school. [Thank you global warming]. On the other hand....I'm an epic fail when it comes to walking on ice....so come Monday, if it hasn't all melted away, I foresee a lot of tripping

Then there's the very sad news that I didn't get into a uni I really wanted....It was a very dark day when I found out, but I've gotten over it and am sure that someone up there has destined me for something greater and better.

Also A levels....are they meant to be so stressful? honestly everything comes all at once....all those deadlines and ever subject thinks they are most important.

Of course my impending Physics exam should take priority but I find myself trying to catch up on all the art coursewrok I've been avoiding [never been one for doing work early]....must have a whole stetchbook and a three thousand word [urgh] essay in for Tuesday....hmmm....three days with no sleep? probably

On the brighter side of life... I got a merit in my Grade 5 violin exam...this cheered me up greatly....